Single Girl & Tinder Talk

Well… I’ve officially become “that” person.  And what do I mean by “that”? The stereotypical commitment—phob who runs as soon as she starts to develop feelings for someone. I’ve always lived my life without fear of heartbreak…until recently.  In terms of excuses (because we all love to avoid ownership for our actions)? I had an awful week dealing with my ex and the thought of cultivating feelings for the opposite sex terrifies me.  B has hurt me beyond words.  To me, it’s unfathomable how people can twist their sick behavior around and actually receive pity and attention for actions. It will take every ounce of me to forgive the way B treated me after Steuben died. I hope karma treats him with kindness. Oh well… time to get to the to the purpose of this post. 

My girlfriend and I grabbed a couple glasses of vino and tapas on Saturday night.  While sharing our relationship woes and discontent we decided to see how many of our exes we could find on Tinder.  This is where it gets fun…

Megan’s List of What NOT to do on Tinder

1. 1.       First and foremost, if you are seeing someone, have a girlfriend, fiancée or wife…and on Tinder, chances are you have IQ of 70 or below.
2. 2.       Remove pictures of yourself with other “hot” women. You look insecure… and like a total dickhead.
3. 3.       Please no pics of you making out with someone. Seems obvious.
4. 4.       If you so choose to post a pic with your mouth open and tongue sticking out… I would make sure your mouth looks clean. Nothing screams bad breath like a tongue covered in white plague. Gross.
5. 5.       No pics of you with your mom or sister please. Yes, in theory men should respect and love the women in their life… however, a sex hookup site is really not the place. Again, IQ of 70 or below.
6. 6.       No talking about “god” or religion in your tagline section.
7. 7.       If you are going to shred the pow or rip downhill on your soft tail… post a pic with a helmet on.  You look absolutely ridiculous without one.
8. 8.       That newly waxed/plucked eyebrow look? Avoid. 
9. 9.       Nothing screams 16 year old narcissist girl like a selfie while driving.
10. 1.   This is difficult for me to say, because I love animals and hate to put cats down… but just how do you expect females to find you sexy when you are snuggling with a cat. A CAT.

Next post will feature “What NOT to include on your online dating profile”